Loneliness and This Blog

I have so much to write, dear friends, and this Challies article prompted me to post today.

I have been thinking about this blog and what I want it to be. Currently, nobody that I know personally is aware of this blog. I've never shared it with anyone. And I like the idea of writing anonymously. When I was younger, I dreamed of being famous -- for what, I wasn't sure. I just wanted to be famous.

Now? Whew! I never achieved fame, and boy am I glad. I like my relative anonymity.

So, why am I writing here?

Want to know the #1 reason that came to my mind?

Okay.

I'm lonely.

I have friends, but no close friends. I still treasure my close friends of the past, but none of them live near me. It's all Facebook and the occasional text or email.

I know so many people nearby--in my neighborhood, at work, in my church, at my kid's school and other activities. Often, I'll think, "That person and I have something in common! Maybe we can be friends!" We might even meet for lunch or coffee, or they might come to our house to watch a football game or grill some burgers.

But the friendships never take off. I don't think it's a lack of chemistry, or a lack of desire to be friends on anyone's part. I'm pretty sure of that. It is instead a lack of time. Really, a lack of priority. We just have so many other things we're doing.

I know there are some people who make friends easily, who are quick to strike up conversation and who seem to have lots in common with lots of people.

I'm not one of those people. I'm not saying that in a "poor me" way. It's just a fact. I'm into music theory and theology and thick books of classic literature. I crave deep conversations and have a hard time forcing small talk. I've asked several friends how they felt about starting a book club where we study Christian/literary classics by CS Lewis, Jonathan Edwards, Bonhoeffer, Bunyan, Milton, and such, and ... I ... hear ... crickets.

And really, this is the main reason I started this blog. I want to write about those things, and hopefully find a few people who may be interested in reading them. Maybe find a few little echoes in the wilderness, saying, "I like that stuff, too!"

Trouble is, I haven't had much time to write. I've made a list of topics I'd like to address, but I'm having trouble finding the leisure to put pen to paper (figuratively ... sometimes), think, and write.

This blog is turning out to be like those friendships that never materialized.

But unlike those friendships, this blog will stay here and wait for me, until I'm ready to do the writing.